Weigh-In

145

No big surprise, there. This means that my goal for this next week will be to lose two pounds. Got to get back on track.

Unfortunately, I am having some minor issues with my right leg; pain in the lower region, most likely of the posterior shin (Thank you, Dr. Google!). The remedy for which is rest, ice and ibuprofen. Since I already rest at least a day between runs, I am also investigating whether new running shoes with a better arch support might help. That, or arch binding which sounds painful but probably isn't really. Complicated, yes, painful, no.

The time remaining in Aunt Flo's visit is rapidly diminishing and, with it, the wicked sugar cravings so, with any luck, I will be able to get back on the diet bandwagon and, with a little more luck, I will stick with it through next month's shit storm of PMS, fingers crossed.

In the meanwhile, I have an out-of-town volleyball tournament to attend so healthy eating, while a priority, will also be a challenge.

Let's hope I'm up to it.

One Pound Seems Kind of Like a Pipe Dream Right About Now

I'm fairly certain that this week's weigh-in is going to go badly for me; the best I can hope for is to maintain where I am, losing even one pound would require a miracle.

In other depressing news, I am entertaining a certain monthly visitor. She brought along bloating, cramps, a dull headache and a desire to eat everything that isn't nailed down. Unless it's healthy; she can pass on healthy stuff. In short, Aunt Flo is a terrible house quest.

In retaliation, I think I'll take her running tomorrow; she hates that.

Dear Doctor's Office Scale:

I hate you.

That is all.

Does It Count If I FEEL Lighter?

I don't weigh in again until Friday and, with the way that the diet has been going lately (cravings, cravings, cravings), I'm a little worried that I won't make my one-pound goal. However, I feel lighter today. The skinny jeans that I am wearing seem a bit looser in the waist than normal. That could have nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with the fact that I wore them once before today and they had a chance to stretch out a bit or, it could mean that I am somewhat less bloated than I have been the past two days.

As to the bloating, I am a couple of days away from Aunt Flo's monthly house-call. I happen to have an appointment with my gyno today for my annual Squeeze n' Scrape; the timing is less than ideal, I am aware but, I had to take the appointment or be wait-listed for God-knows-how-long.

I'm not looking forward to getting on the scale at the doctor's office, either; medical scales being somewhat less than kind to one's ego and all. And, I'm also not looking forward to the "Squeeze" portion of the program, what with the boob tenderness and all. Of course, these concerns could all be moot should Aunt Flo decide to make her appearance at some point today, and rude little house guest that she has shown herself to be; it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

But, on the bright side, as I've said; I feel lighter today. I'm going to hold onto that feeling like a life raft in the middle of the Atlantic, thankyouverymuch.

Me Thinks I May Have Spoken Too Soon

The boob tenderness is starting. It's nothing serious yet; not nearly to the point that it usually is by now but, I appear NOT to have dodged the bullet after all.

Willpower and control over my sugar cravings continue to be issues for me. Yesterday I gave in and indulged in a couple of chocolate chip cookies. In a twist on the usual program, salt cravings have joined the parade and I indulged those in an individual-sized bag of BBQ flavored Baked Lays. It could have been worse; I only went three hundred calories over my daily goal and, when I figure in the fact that there have been numerous days this month when I have fallen under the goal; I figure the calories just about average out.

And, I'm still working out. Friday I completed the full 47 minutes of Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 DVD and, today, I plan to finish the third week of the C25K program. I'm also still drinking plenty of water and, in addition to sticking to the plan (for the most part), I have also managed to go two weeks in a row with daily showers (as opposed to taking a quick Whore's Bath and using dry-shampoo (which is the greatest invention, evah (parenthesis, inside parenthesis, someone call the grammar police!)!), and wearing something other than sweats and t-shirts.

I'm also cooking like recipes are going out of style, the past two weeks alone I have made:
-Italian pot pies
-Homemade elk and barley stew
-Beef stroganoff
-Turkey chili
-Asian soup (No-point recipe from Weight Watchers)
-Butternut squash soup
-Pasta fra Diavalo
-Chicken Fajitas
-Baked turkey breast with baked potatoes
-Chicken, corn and black bean burritos

All of which were delicious and all of which were made with low-fat, low cal recipes, fresh ingredients and a lot of love.

So, my goals for the New Year are being met, for the most part.

My goals for this week are to lose one pound, to continue to exercise, to eat well and to continue to show some pride in my appearance.

Doable, totally doable.

Weight-In Day

145

A solid one pound loss. After two days of less-than-stellar dieting this week; I'll totally take it.

And, the fact that this month's derailment from the Diet Train-courtesy of our dear friend, PMS-lasted but a mere two days is an actual improvement over, oh, every other month of my life.

The fact that I continued to exercise through the Bad Days is an achievement not to be dismissed.

Ohh, and, I haven't yet experienced the majority of symptoms that generally herald the imminent arrival of Aunt Flo; no boob tenderness, very little stomach bloating, no dull back pain and no headaches. Granted, that could change on a dime but, I'm feeling cautiously optimistic at the present.

Today, Slim in 6. Tomorrow, the last run of week three of the C25K program. Sunday, yoga and some stretching and then on to another new week.

80/20

According to diet experts, that is the correct ratio to follow when eating a healthy diet; be angelic 80% of the time while enjoying a little bit of decadence the other 20%. Well, if the experts say it's true then it must be, right? So, I'm going to call two days of this week pardonable according to the 20% law.

In truth, upon reviewing my diet log, I have been angelic for more than 80% of the month thus far. Two days of gluttony (tempered with continued exercise!) will not derail my efforts. Also, PMS, if that's the best you have to throw at me; I'll beat you every time because, yesterday I was right back on track, cravings gone, energy levels restored and self-control back in my hands.

Indeed, I started week three of the C25K program and it went fine. I still suffer the terrible music and the catchy accent of the narrator but; the running part is going fine.

Today, I plan to do a full-body workout using the Slim in Six program, which I have on DVD and then I am getting a massage.

Dinner will be low fat slow cooked beef stroganoff and all will be right with the world.

Or, at least 80% right, at any rate.

Le Sigh

Fucking PMS. Fucking Devil Sugar. Fucking inability to control myself for longer than two weeks at a time.

Why, yes, I did fall off the wagon! How kind of you to notice.

Seriously, though, I've had two not-so-great diet days although, I have managed to stick with the water consumption and the exercise so, all is not lost. Also, the diet wasn't completely blown-I've managed far more spectacular binges, trust me-and; I'm not yet ready to totally throw in the towel so...there is hope for me, yet.

Today, I start Week three of the C25K program, having successfully completed weeks One and Two without injury. That's...rather cool, actually; I'm so used to running myself into hip pain. Also, my shoulder continues to show improvement-my showers having become less of a battle between the left and the right for dominance over my back-washing and I've yet to experience the usual boob tenderness that generally accompanies the PMS monster.

So, my recent attempts at clean living have paid off at least a bit. And, I shall soldier on, as one does in these situations.

I'm Sensing a Pattern, Here

The past two days have been an exercise in restraint as the dreaded PMS monster has reared its' ugly head yet again and, after reviewing past posts to this blog; I realize that my cycle follows a very specific schedule:

Ten to twelve days of saint-like adherence to a healthy and sugar-free diet, complete with enough energy to exercise daily and decent amounts of sleep followed by twelve to fourteen days of wicked sugar cravings, fatigue, a distinct non-desire to move my body, physically and, a need for frequent napping.

Clearly, my thyroid has nothing to do with it nor does my diet impact it in the slightest; PMS is simply my biggest nemesis.

So, what to do? For one, I'm going to make an extra concerted effort to refrain from giving in to the temptation to dive head-first into a vat of chocolate. This will be no easy task.

Secondly, I'm going to make more of an effort to exercise, particularly on the days that I really, really don't want to (days like yesterday when, after finally psyching myself up to head to the gym to complete week two of the C25K program, I found the gym locked and the fingerprint reader unable to identify my finger. Goddamnit).

Thirdly, I'm going to make an effort to really identify what my cravings are telling me at any given point; am I hungry or am I just tired? Do I need chocolate or a session of yoga to get the endorphins flowing?

Finally, I am going to up my calories during the first week that I begin to notice the symptoms of PMS. I'm going to add in more lean protein and fiber. I'm guessing an addition two to three hundred calories a day should do the trick.

And, with any luck, merely being cognizant of the issues going on in my body will help me to combat the less pleasant side effects of being a woman.

Fingers crossed, naturally.

Weight-In Day

146

That's a solid two-pound weight loss. I'm pleased. Not giddy or anything but, pleased. And, cautiously optimistic about sticking with this lifestyle for the duration, I mean; I feel better, weight loss not withstanding.

I have energy. I'm sleeping better. My right arm, which has been giving me fits the past few months, is loosening up and gaining a better range of motion. My skin looks better. I'm cooking, delicious, nutritious foods. I can focus.

All of which make me a much more pleasant person to be around.

Now, if my jeans start to fit a little better, all will be right with the world.

Two pounds. Go, me!

This Post Brought to You by Tight Jeans

I must admit; I've been feeling pretty smug the past few days. Healthy diet? Check. Daily exercise? Check. Plenty of water? Check, check.

So, you can imagine my consternation when, upon pulling up a pair of jeans today, a muffin top of magical proportions puffed up around my ribcage. I mean, we are talking serious muffin top, here. The kind of muffin top that, were it an actual pastry, would feed a small village of starving children. With leftovers to spare.

I'm not even kidding.

So, so disappointing. But, as Scarlett O'Hara would say, tomorrow is another day and, with continuous calorie counting and physical torture, I'm bound to defeat the muffin top, eventually.

Or, maybe I could just sacrifice my body to a village of starving cannibals and call it good. Either way, I'd lose some weight.

What Could You Possibly Hope to Accomplish?

Not long after Hugh and I were married, I lost a nice sum of weight, probably around fifteen pounds or so. I had been steadily gaining weight during our courtship, engagement, and honeymoon and, once I settled into life as a married woman; I was dissatisfied with what I had allowed to happen to my body. So, I started eating right again, spent more time in the swimming pool and, in a stroke of genius heretofore unrivaled by modern man; I bought a stair climber.

I found the stair climber at a yard sale, paid around twenty bucks for it and hauled it home where, Hugh, in all his supportive glory, laughed about the fact that I would never use the thing and had just wasted twenty bucks.

In a show of determination to prove him wrong, I hopped on the stair climber and didn't get off for the next half hour and, although I could barely walk the next day; I got on it again and, again the next day. In fact, along with the change in my diet, I credit the weight loss to that stair climber and, when it eventually broke down after two years of almost daily use, even Hugh had to agree that it was the best twenty dollars I ever spent.

And that was a really long digression to get to the point of my story. Anyway...

...after I lost the weight, I was confronted by a woman at the swimming pool that I managed; she was quite put out with me for losing weight when I had been perfectly healthy to begin with and, she was right, to an extent. At fifteen pounds heavier, I was still at a healthy weight for my height. What she failed to understand or to take into consideration was the fact that I wasn't comfortable at that weight. I didn't like the fact that it took more effort for me to do the things that my life required me to do; little things like training the Lifeguards who were, at that very minute, protecting the lives of her preshus children in the swimming pool.

Sure, I wanted to look good in my clothes but, more importantly, I wanted the clothes I owned to fit me; twenty dollars on a used stair climber was a rather large expense back then but, a hell of a lot less than a new wardrobe would have been and losing the weight assured that I would still fit into my guard suit rather than having to fork over $60 for a new one.

In addition to losing the weight, I gained strength, flexibility, stamina and endurance, qualities that were necessary to my job, see above: protecting the children of nosy, rude and judgmental people (who may or may not have been significantly overweight, themselves and who may or may not have felt perfectly justified in judging my decisions about my lifestyle based on their own inability to control their own weight. I'm guessing). It wasn't all aesthetics, people.

Which brings us to the present; someone I know commented on my quest to lose weight yesterday. This particular someone thinks that I am being vain for trying to lose weight and that I should be comfortable where I'm at, given my age and the fact that I don't, and I quote: "Need to look good to attract a man or anything" (Hugh would like me to point out the fact that he is a man and, as a man, kind of likes being attracted to his wife. Not that he isn't already but, you know, he supports my efforts), end quote.

I am as addlepated by the rudeness of this person today as I was by that other women seventeen years ago, I mean; what is there to say to someone who criticizes your personal choices about your own body and health? Thanks for your (misplaced) concern now kindly fuck off? That seems kind of rude.

Instead, I say this: This is my body and its the only one I have. It is my duty to take care of it and to cherish it. I have made the decision to feed it well, to exercise it more and to monitor the results of those choices. I do hope to lose weight. I have no need to be model-thin but I do have a need to be comfortable with my weight, to be at the weight that works best for me. I need to be able to function at a certain physical level in order to be happy and I need to feel good about how I look. That's just me.

Don't judge me and I won't judge you. Life is too short to feel uncomfortable in one's own skin.

And that is what I could possibly hope to accomplish. That is all I could possibly hope to accomplish.

So, now you know.

Another Day, Now, With Less Donuts!

There is a lot to be said for the way that I am eating, recently, the most wonderful thing being the fact that I have managed to pop out of bed at the first sound of the alarm for the past two days. This is like, a record for me, recently.

Seriously, weight-gain aside; lethargy was the single worst side-effect of my past lifestyle. I am a morning person. I like to be up before the rest of my household and, the early morning hours are when I do some of my best thinking, really; I'd not met a problem that I couldn't solve during lightest level of sleep, usually three minutes before the alarm went off. Until, the past few months, that is.

The past few months, a cannon wouldn't get me out of bed before every other member of my family and problem solving went straight out the window which led to a downward spiral of depression, angst and self-loathing and; I totally blame my crap-ass diet.

And the laziness that kept me from the gym, obviously.

Now, having put the Devil Sugar behind me for the past week, I am feeling the first shades of the person I used to be. I do have more energy. I don't feel defeated all the time. I can think more clearly and I am far more patient with my children and other innocent souls who cross my path. As Martha would say; this is a good thing.

Unfortunately, Aunt Flo is waiting around the corner, ready to ambush me with sugar cravings, fatigue and bloating and, while I'm relatively confident in my ability to ward her off with sheer determination alone, I'm still sort of dreading her arrival.

On the other hand, the old me always loved a challenge and, as I thought to myself while running on the treadmill the other day; the bitch is back.

This will just be her first real test. Fingers crossed.

This Is a Test, This Is Only a Test

The past four days were text-book perfect according to Chelle's Big Book of Healthy Living; I drank water, ate nutritious whole foods, and I exercised every day although, without pushing myself into injury. I am feeling quite good about my choices and am reaping the additional energy levels to boot.

Which brings us to tonight, my husband's annual wrestling officials' pizza party and the first test of my new-found dedication to healthy living. I'm as prepared as I can possibly be; I've eaten well all day, ran two miles on the CT5K program and, I'm feeling strong enough to resist temptation.

In addition, I am planning to eat a nice big salad before we leave for the party; this will help me to keep to one slice of pie or, so I'm hoping.

This won't be the last test of my willpower (book club on Monday night) and I'm sort of interested in seeing how I do. Guess we'll see.

Weigh-In Day

148

I've seen worse. I've seen better but; I've seen worse.

Yesterday went well. I officially started the Couch to 5K program with the Week One podcast. The music....kinda sucks. I missed my Lady Gaga and those crazy kids from Glee ever so much. Note to self: Must Google better CT5K music, ASAP.

On the diet front, I managed to get in all my water, to eat well and to finish the day with a steaming cup of Sleepytime Vanilla tea. I slept quite well, not sure if that had anything to do with the tea or not.

Yesterday, I noticed a marked improvement in my feeling of general well-being. I didn't lack energy in the afternoon which has been a big problem for me of late. I also dodged the early-evening headache that I have become accustomed to having and, as I said, just felt better in general. I have to assume that had a lot to do with being off the Devil Sugar for three days, now; my goal is to stay away from the stuff as much as possible.

My other goals are fairly simple:

-Lose 30 pounds.
-Regain the strength and muscle definition that I had four years ago.
-Regain the balance and flexibility that I enjoyed back then.
-Continue to improve my skin, with the help of the lovely Serena, my aesthetician (whom I will be seeing later today).
-Get back into my beloved Seven For All Mankind jeans.

Do I think I can reach those goals? Today I do. I'm a bit leery of what will happen to my willpower and dedication as the monthly visit from Aunt Flo draws ever nearer but, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For today, I'm feeling the possibilities.

Another Decent Day in My Pocket

Yesterday went well. I ate a healthy diet, drank the required 12 glasses of water, limited my intake of Diet Pepsi and got a good night's rest.

This morning, I woke up earlier than I have been lately although; I'm still a far cry from bouncing out of bed at my preferred hour. Hopefully that will come with time and consistent dedication to my new healthy lifestyle. I hope so; I'm disappointed in myself when I have a hard time getting out of bed, showering and getting an early start on the day.

I'm still sore from Tuesday's run/walk and, not going to the gym to run  on the treadmill yesterday was an exercise in restraint but; I'm really serious about taking a day to rest in between running so as not to injure myself. As it stands, my hips are the most tender part of my anatomy, currently and; I'm pretty sure I will ruin them if I am not very careful.

With that said, I do want to do some form of exercise each day so, I'll be starting yoga, general workout, pilates and cardio DVDs on my off-running days. I also plan to focus on stretching and building up my balance.

So, here we go, Day Three. Fingers crossed.

My Ass, My Ass, My Ass Is On Fire!

Yesterday went much better than Monday. I even managed to eat well, go me!

I downloaded a free Couch to 5K podcast for my iPod and, after listening to Week One, have determined that I was already kind of following this type of program all by myself the last time I ran only; I didn't give myself the entire eight weeks to build up to running the 5 kilometres which is no doubt why I injured my hip.

This time, I vowed to do it right so; I renewed my gym membership and hopped on the treadmill for what I planned to be an hour-long comfortable walk. Thirty minutes into my hour-long comfortable walk, I started running.

Will I never learn?

It's ok; I mostly followed the coaching on the podcast although, without actually listening to the podcast since I was so caught up in that crazy Lady Gaga and all her paparazzi nonsense.

Ahem.

Anyway, I ran the prescribed one minute sprints followed by ninety second recovery intervals for the next thirty minutes and it felt fine.

Today, despite a long stretching session and two hours in a hot bathtub last night, I am exhibiting some routine soreness. Nothing major and, I have a massage scheduled for later today, anyway.

Tomorrow, I will hit the treadmill again and this time, I will actually listen to the podcast although missing the pump-up styling of Lady G, enormously.

On the diet front, as I said; yesterday was a good day. I ate sugar free oatmeal sprinkled with a bit of cinnamon for breakfast, an apple for a snack, a healthy yet low-cal lunch and, when I started to notice that I was developing a slight headache later in the day while on my way to the dermatologist's office for a wallet raping mole removal; I ate one of my emergency pouches of applesauce that I keep in the car. Dinner was a large salad and protein-added pasta marinara that The Teenager cooked.

Today, I am off to a good start with another bowl of oatmeal and I have carefully planned the rest of my meals and snacks.

At this point I would love to smarm all over the place about getting back on track and taking control and all that jazz but, even I am aware that it is only day two and, two days does NOT a Goddess make.

But I shall carry on.

Baby Steps

Yesterday was not my finest attempt at reclaiming the Goddess inside me. I failed to do any type of exercise whatsoever, ate in a most crappy fashion and fell into bed at 9:00, completely exhausted.

I did manage to drink plenty of water so, there's that? One goal out of many accomplished. Gah.

So, yes, the exhaustion thing. It's not like I don't get enough sleep yet; I wake up tired. Seriously, the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning is when I can take a nap. This is not normal.

My younger sister was tested for thyroid issues a while back and was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease which, if I understand it correctly, is an under-secretion of the thyroid gland. She has encouraged me to get tested but I would prefer to try the diet/fitness balance thing to see if it has the desired effect on my lethargy prior to handing the whole thing over to a doctor.

The problem of course, is my apparent inability to get it together enough to eat well or exercise. So frustrating.

I'm going to try again, of course and, I'll give myself a week. If I can't get it together myself or, if I can and the exhaustion is still as bad; I'll make an appointment with my GP.

In the meantime, I'll soldier on, one step at a time.

2010-The Year of the Sloth. 2011-The Year of the Gazelle

Not pregnant. Just fat.

So, yeah, 2010 kicked my fat ass. I have no excuse save for the fact that I am lazy. Oh, and apparently deeply unhappy with my life. Ok, not really but, certainly with some aspects of my life and, not just the fact that my ass looms larger than ever before.

Work is a major downer. Stressor. Irritant. Fat-and-lazy-making-depressive-time-suck-of-doom. But, since there isn't much that I can do about that, short of winning the lottery (probably not realistic); I'm going to have to suck it up and take back control of the rest of my day.

Step one: Better diet in 2011. Not Go on a DIET, just, eat a better diet. This means eating breakfast again, every day. It means drinking more water and less Diet Pepsi.

Step two: Move my ass. I don't have to train for a marathon, I just need to commit myself to doing some form of exercise every day. I've done it before and I've both failed and succeeded. The success came from doing exercises I enjoyed. The failure came from pushing myself into injury because I wasn't paying attention to my body when it was clearly telling me to taper off. I won't make that mistake again.

Step three: Adjust my attitude. As I've said, I can't control the suckitude that is my day job. I CAN focus on the fact that the sucky job allows me time with my kids. Time to attend their many functions and time that I can use to work out. It's entirely possible that the suckiness may just evaporate with an attitude adjustment (just to be on the safe side, however; I won't stop playing the lottery anytime soon).

Step four: Do the things I love. This includes spending more time with the people who make me happy and that means making time to see The Girls. Miles between us shouldn't prevent us from connecting and I vow to see each of them at least once this year, more often if at all possible.

So, yeah, 2010 can kiss my ass. 2011 will be my bitch.