Second Verse, Same as the First

Day two and I'm hanging in there. Actually, I'm doing better than hanging in; I'm swingin'. I haven't given in to the cravings for chocolate and fatty chips and I've managed to count every point, the good, the bad and the ugly. Surprisingly, it hasn't been as ugly as I thought it would be; I went over Points both days but, not by more than three or four Points and, really, doing so used my Discretionary Points which I have tried not to use in the past but; I figure I'm not eating crap so, I deserve to use a few of those Points.

Of course, once I get myself back in balance (for me); I'll try not to use those Points unless we are eating out or for other special occasions.

On the exercise front; there hasn't been any. I do plan to re-new my membership at the local gym later today, however. I hear they have a new stairclimber/treadmill device that is the Bomb and, back in the day, I utilized a Stairmaster into dust, such was my dedication to using it every day.

For strength, flexibility and core work, I will go back to DVDs at home, hopefully next week. I realize that I am taking baby steps here but, I figure baby steps are better than nothing.

Ultimate goal: Not to be the fat sister at Christmas. Really, is that asking so much of myself? I think not.

And Here We Go. AGAIN

Today is the first of November. I have lost so much ground over the past two months, it isn't even funny. In a mere 27 days, I will turn 43 and I am determined to feel good when I do. I might not look good but; I will definitely feel good, godamnit.

So, Day One of no processed sugar which, as we all know, is my nemesis; the biggest roadblock to my good health and decent eating habits.

I also intend to journal on the WW site daily (30 days, I can do that) and we'll see how I feel by the 28th.

So, yeah; back on the wagon. AGAIN.

Goals for the Week

-Journal every bite of food on the Weight Watchers site.
-Exercise every day.
-Eat no processed sugar.
-Cut out crap carbs.
-Drink my water.
-Try to find a moment for meditation or relaxation every day. 

Weigh-In

136

Which is actually a one pound loss over last week when my weight was 137 and I was too depressed to write a post.

I'm still depressed but, one pound less depressed.

This week: Focusing on staying within my daily points, avoiding sugar and crap carbs (pretzel thins, goldfish, etc) and, daily exercise.

I can do this. I just have to try a little harder.

Things to Remember

When I am heavier, my bras pinch my boobs like an elderly woman pinches a toddlers cheeks. I enjoy the pinching about as much as the toddler.

When I am heavier, a roll (or twelve) of fat hinders my ability to roll into the fetal position in my sleep. The fetal position happens to be my favorite sleeping position so I roll into it a lot.

When I am heavier, an extra chin appears, making my neck look somewhat tumorous. No, tumorous isn't really a word but, you get the picture.

When I am heavier, my sleep patterns are shot to hell. I hate struggling to get out of bed in the morning.

When I am heavier, I care less about how I look and I make less of an effort to look good. Greasy ponytails are soooo Junior High.

When I am heavier, I feel less great about myself and that starts to affect how I live the rest of my life, how I care for my home, my children, my marriage, my job.

When I am heavier, I am less me even though there is more of me.

Circling the Drain

Oiy.

I have not been doing well.

Actually, that is an understatement. I have, in fact, fallen off the wagon. Then, the wagon backed up and ran over me. A lot.

I have no excuse save for being an idiot and, really, what kind of excuse is that?

Luckily, despite the copious amounts of crap that I have been ingesting on a reglar basis, my weight is hovering at 136-137. This is due to the fact that I haven't completely given up on excercise, no doubt. Or, because I managed to develop enough muscle to require additional calories, whichever.

The fact is: I need to pull my shit together and kick sugar back out on the curb. I have no doubt that it is the return to a sugar-laden diet that has caused this backslide. Sugar is the devil.

Sugar makes me sluggish. It makes me tired. It's causing pain in my joints, particularly my big toe joint on my right side and, after the whole plantar facscitis deabcle; I'm kind of protective of my right foot. Obviously, sugar has to go.

Too bad that is easier said than done.

Still, I'm back in the saddle, on the wagon, in the groove, whatever. Starting today, I am rededicating myself to tracking Weight Watchers Points religiously, to avoiding sugar and processed foods, and to daily excercise, no matter how hot it is outside.

My short-term goal is to lose the six pounds that I have gained since hitting my most recent low of 131 pounds and my long-term goal is to finally reach 119. Hopefully by Christmas.

So, yeah...wagons ho.

Weigh-In

136

Well, looks like I broke through that plateau.

Fuck and, sigh.

Can't say that I'm surprised, though; I haven't exactly been the model of restraint where my diet is concerned nor have I been a model fitness example.

I feel like shit, too. My skin has rebelled against this sudden return to gluttony and sloth, I'm tired more often than not and, I just generally feel like crap.

It's definitely time to pull my shit together. This will be no easy task given that I am headed over the mountain to Mayberry next week, but; I'll just have to make an effort.

At this point, even a small improvement would be a victory.

Weigh-In

133.

It's like an old friend only, not so much.

On the other hand, a shitty couple of diet and exercise weeks without gaining weight; go, me!

And, I'm back on track, simply waiting for Aunt Flo to descend at which point the bloating that I am experiencing should diminish and I should be able to really crack down on the cravings.

In possibly-related news, I had a migraine last night. Since I haven't been under any undue pressure or stress lately, and, I haven't eaten anything out of the usual; I'm leaning toward horror-mones as the culprit behind the headache. There is no obvious way to prevent a horror-monal headache so, thank God for Imitrex.

That is all.

Little Things Can Make a Huge Difference

I went running yesterday in a pair of new shoes and the experience was...less than pleasant. The shoes, a pair of Saucony runners, aren't brand new, I've had them for at least a year; this was just the first time that I wore them for more than a few minutes and, perhaps more importantly, outside.

Previously, I had worn them to walk on the treadmill at the gym and, while it's been a while ago, I don't remember them presenting any sort of problem. Yesterday, on my three mile outdoor walk, however, they presented plenty.

The major problem was the heel of the left shoe; it felt like a plastic knife being pressed into my heel and I did not like it. I manged to complete the walk/run but; I'll think twice about wearing those shoes again.

On the bright side, I was outside, exercising and enjoying nature, despite wanting to cut my left foot off and; that is an improvement over many days last week. And, the week before.

In diet news, I have two good days under my belt and am hoping for a third. Part of this new resolve has to do with the lessening of PMS related symptoms; my cravings for sugar and carbs has diminished and my energy levels have improved.

As an aside, PMS and my new/old shoes have a lot in common; they both annoy the shit out of me.

Things I am Doing Wrong, Wrong, Wrong

-Pretzel Crisp binges.
-Goldfish cracker binges.
-Movie candy.
-Wine.
-Rich foods served in social situations.
-Smores.

How can I turn this around before it gets totally out of hand and I ruin all the good work that I have done? I'm at a loss to say.

I do know that the PMS is strong in this one this month; I'm exhausted (probably due to the crappy diet), I am mostly uninterested in exercise (until I get started and the I am fine), I am bloated like a week-old corpse and, my motivation is in the toilet.

My only hope is that things will turn around once I start my period and I can get back on track with a vow to do better next month as I really do believe that I can prevent this level of misery with the correct diet. I just need to pull it together to accomplish better eating habits again.

And, I need to remind myself (constantly) how much better I feel when I am eating well and exercising regularly.

In short, I need to start doing things right, right, right.

Weigh-In

133

I'm guessing; I'm actually too afraid to get on the scale. But, my clothes are fitting a bit looser so I'm fairly certain that my weight has plateaued. If, in fact I am wrong and it has gone up, there might be some muscle to blame.

I'm not going to sweat it. As I've said, I'm back on track and, after a full week of staying on the wagon, I will weigh in again and we'll see where I really am. In the meantime, eating right, exercising and some relaxation exercises should get me back on track.

Fingers crossed.

That's Better

I have two better days under my belt but; I'm not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in. I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles (mmmm, cookies) and I'll just have to suck it up and use whatever weight I have gained as an incentive to continue on the right path.

Like the little engine said; I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

STRUGGLING

I seem to have lost my mojo for healthy eating and regular exercise; the past two weeks being an exercise in nothing but sloth and gluttony. I'm so disappointed in myself.

Operation Hottie by July is in total jeopardy which is asinine and ridiculous considering how far I have come and how well I was doing.

Must. Pull. My. Shit. Together.

Weigh-In

133

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I'm getting realllly tired of these two pounds bouncing up and down like a mother fucking yo-yo and, yes; I know I have no one to blame but myself, still, irritating.

On the plus side, when trying on clothing for Stampede last night, I was pleased to discover that I look relatively decent in almost everything; I can even wear my 7 For All Mankind jeans, aka: The Holy Grail, jeans that make my legs look long, my waist look trim and my ass look less pancake-like and somewhat shapely.

So, I just really need to hunker down and make an effort over the next three and a half weeks, thus making it entirely possible that I could be out of the 130's before Stampede which is my new goal. To that end, I need to lay off the Pretzel Crisps, Goldfish crackers and movie candy, which have been my undoing recently. Those small changes alone could result in me meeting my goal.

So, there's the plan, then.

Weigh-In

131, we meet again.

Sigh.

Will I ever get out of the 130's?

Gah.

Another Weigh-In, Another Prediction

Or not.

The truth is, I have no idea what to expect tomorrow; I have eaten a pristine diet this week, exercised each day, and, still, I have no clue.

I might have lost a pound. I may have plateaued at 133. No idea.

What I do know is that my body starts to rebel when I work out too strenuously for too many days in a row; I am prone to hip, foot, shin and ankle pain and that doesn't make me happy. If I can't work out consistently, how can I ever hope to lose this last fifteen pounds?

So, I push on, ignore my body's signals and hate myself in the morning. On the other hand, I could eat a bag of chips, a box of candy and a vat of ice cream and still hate myself in the morning, minus the pain but with increased chance of one day becoming diabetic which; really would be quite a bit more detrimental to my health.

So, I shall push on and we will see what tomorrow brings, no prediction required.

If I Could Bottle This Week and Sell It, I Would Be a Millionaire

The week following the departure of Aunt Flo is my favorite week of the month; I have energy, my appetite is under control and I have little-to-no-belly bloat. Today, I wore yoga pants to work, and I looked good in them.

Later, on my usual walk/run around the park, I spent more tine running and less time walking and I liked it.

I'm craving a nice big salad and a bowl of mixed berries and my mind is clear.

Like I said, if I could bottle this feeling to dose myself with all month long, I would make a fortune. Or, I would hoard it all to myself just to continue feeling this good; I'd be a winner either way.

Weigh-In

133

No big shock, there. A gain of two pounds which, considering the copious amounts of food, wine and sloth that I indulged in last week is not nearly as bad as it could be. Plus, I somehow managed to lose an inch on my bust, half an inch on my waist, and an inch from my hips despite the weight gain.

Human bodies are weird.

This Week I Totally Deserve to Gain Weight

Thanks to a busy social calendar, including Book Club and Porch Night; I have used more discretionary Points than I have ever used while being on the program. I blame the wine.

And the food.

And, myself.

In addition to causing me to overeat, the busy social calendar also prevented me from working out as much as I would have liked. Add in Aunt Flo knocking on my door for her monthly visit and you get the Trifecta of Weight Gain.

I can hardly wait to get on the scale tomorrow.

Danger Zone

I have entered the portion of the program wherein I become bored with tracking calories (or, Points, in this case), bored with my workouts, frustrated with the slow pace of my weight loss and generally dissatisfied with my efforts in general.

I know this about myself yet it happens every time I try to get healthy.

I'm fighting the urge to give up. I'm allowing myself to eat more of my discretionary Points (something I haven't done consistently since starting the program), I'm changing up my exercise routine by taking a new trail when I walk (a trail that includes a grueling hike up a goat trail and I like it), by incorporating sprint bursts every quarter mile or so and by adding a Pilates DVD to my revolving line-up.

I haven't done Pilates in over a year-probably closer to two-and I'm dreading the initial lack of muscle endurance that I will inevitably face. Pilates is tough, yo.

But, I'm tougher and, frankly; I need to do this if I am to stick to anything resembling a healthy lifestyle.

Weigh-In

131

Huh. Clearly I don't know my body at all. If I had to guess, I would have put my weight in the 135 range; that is how fat I currently feel. 131 came as quite a surprise.

Granted, I am less than a week away from surfing the Crimson Tide but I can't believe that there is such a disconnect between how I am feeling and the reality of what I weigh.

Not that I'm complaining, of course; 131 is a mere 13 pounds away from my goal weight and,  if I can manage not to gain a pound this week, I'll be back on track to meet that goal.

I'm just going to do the work and not stress over how I am feeling. At least, not until Aunt Flo has packed her bags and left the house.

Prediction

I predict that I will get on the scale tomorrow, find that I have gained even more weight and, spend the rest of the weekend in a chocolate haze in a desperate attempt to dull the pain of yet another diet failure.

I base my prediction on the fact that I feel fat. I do. I feel bloated and slow and fat.

None of these things please me in the least.

Frustration

Since gaining that pound last week, I have found it really difficult to get back into the mindset of healthy weight loss. I've had a couple of not-so-great diet days as well as a number of days without exercise. I'm not sure what my problem is but it's making me nervous about this week's weigh-in.

In an effort to reinvigorate my dedication, I started a new program yesterday; Pure Barre. At first glance, the workout seems fairly easy, there is no jumping around, no heavy cardio, no intense weight-work and, really, you hardly move from the same spot throughout the entire 45 minutes but; here is where looks can be deceiving. It was hard, yo. Small, isolated movements focused on deep muscle tissue is pretty damn effective, who knew?

Less than halfway through the program my legs were shaking so badly I didn't think they would be able to hold me up and, the ab work on the floor was nightmarish difficult, think Pilates on steroids.

Today, I am less sore than I would have expected but, it is early yet.

So, I'll revamp my diet, yet again. I'll make a dedicated effort to walk more often and I'll use the Purre Barre program in addition to the two other programs that I use most consistently and, with a little help from above, I'll turn the number on the scale back in the desired direction. Fingers and toes crossed.

Well, maybe not my toes; Purre Barre is HELL on ballet-virgin toes.

Come Walk With Me

The only consistent exercise that I have gotten throughout this experience has been walking. I average 3.5 miles a day and my route is generally the same, give or take.

I walk in my local park and the scenery changes with the seasons. Right now, it looks like this:

The path I take winds around this small pond to an area where furry critters make their home in a dam of some sort. For the record, the critters are not beavers. I prefer to believe that they are otters but must grudgingly admit that they are probably muskrats. I know, ewww. But, the scenery is pretty.

This is also the first area where I am dive-bombed by mud swallows who are protective of their nest. I have yet to see the nest; mud swallows are mean mutha-fuckers and they will cutchoo.

Anyway, assuming I emerge from this area with my head intact, I start up the first of two hills.

It might not look like much but it is more than adequate to get my heart pumping, my thighs and hamstrings screaming and my nose running (always in this area, must be something I'm allergic to there). Once I climb the hill, the ground levels out for a brief time before leading up to the second hill...

Which used to make me want to puke. You know, before I got tough. Then, since what goes up must come down; I make the decent.

But, not before checking out the view...

Once I get to the bottom of the hill, I follow the trail around the park, where I am able to see both hills that I have just climbed..

They seem larger when I am climbing them. The rest of the walk around the park takes me into a nicely shaded area...

Before depositing me back at the small pond where I started.

This is also the second location in which mud swallows attempt to decapitate me.

And that's it. Thanks for taking a walk with me.

Weigh-In

133

Yep, gained a pound. I would cry into my Wheaties but, I have a theory about the gain and it has to do with my, um, plumbing, so to speak. So, I'm going to wait it out and hope for a big loss next week.

Plus, I had a really good week, ego-wise; I ran into the Chief of Police of Petticoat Junction at the store and he commented on how "fit" I am looking, the girls at the bank complimented me on my weight loss and, my massage therapist was just full of complimentary comments at yesterday's massage appointment. So, things are happening, progress is being made and I cannot let a slight setback throw me into a pit of depression escapable only by eating my way out. I just cannot.

If, on the other hand, the weight gain cannot be attributed to my, um, plumbing issues, and I am still stuck or gaining next week; I might have to look into more aggressive measures.

In the meantime, I am going to continue doing what I've been doing with one slight exception; no more goldfish crackers, I think they might be a trigger for me to overeat. Also, I recently purchased a Pure Barre DVD on ebay and, once it arrives, I intend to change up my exercise routine a bit. I'm hoping the workout lives up to its' hype because, a lean dancers body would be like a dream come true.

Update: Operation Hottie by July

Total weight loss to date: 18 pounds.

Inches lost:
Bust, 2 inches
Waist, 7.5 inches
Hips, 3 inches
Thighs, 3 inches

Today I am wearing a pair of size 7 jeans, three months ago, I was wearing a size 10 and the waistband cut into my muffin-top in a most uncomfortable manner.

My bras fit better; I haven't gone down a size quite yet but, I am hopeful that it will happen, soon.

I have some muscle definition in my legs, arms and abs. There is quite a way to go in this department but, I like the direction that I am heading and I feel better every day.

My hair is growing out to a length I haven't worn it at since college. I like it. It needs a trimming and some shaping but, I like the overall look of it.

My skin is practically glowing. You know, for a 42 year-old.

I'm thisclose to wearing a bikini without wanting the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

I call that Progress.

Weigh-In

132

This is the least I have weighed in...I can't remember...quite a while I am sure. This is also the first week in quite a while that I managed to lose two pounds instead of one; I credit the gardening, heavy yard work and housework that I did last week with the increase because I know that I took in a few more calories than normal, mostly in the form of movie candy and Goldfish crackers so, my diet can't exactly be to credit.

Today I plan to do my usual 3.5-4 mile walk but I also intend to indulge in some salt water taffy at the Man-Cub's baseball game later this evening. I think that will be acceptable since we don't have any plans for food-related festivities this Memorial Day weekend.

Hopefully, I will get some additional exercise in over the next three days, as well and, fingers crossed, will see another two pound loss next week.

Hey, a girl can hope.

See the Sea Chelle. Now See Chelle Run

Hugh brought our boat home last night. The Sea Chelle spent the past six months in dry storage and now it is time to get her lake-worthy. This means that is is time to get my ass bikini-worthy and, thanks to the head-start that I have on that chore, 'm feeling far less defeated than I normally would this time of year.

In fact, I'm hoping to be ready to slip into the new zebra-striped two-piece that I ordered from Victoria's Secret just in time to slip the boat into the reservoir; I just have to start a dedicated running program.

I'm going to get right on that.

Really.

Weigh-In

134

Another pound down, bringing total loss to 16 pounds which means that I am halfway to my goal. Go, me!

In addition to the lost pound, I appear to have lost some of the less pleasant side effects of PMS, or, I did for this month at least and, since I am willing to take this thing one month at a time; I'll call that a success.

The past week was less structured as far as exercise goes; the weather prevented me from walking as much as I would have liked but I made up for it by spending more time on weight workouts and toning routines for both lower and upper body.

With any luck, the weather this week will improve and I will be able to add walking (and possibly more running) to the program as I would like to increase my weight loss to two pounds a week if at all possible which, is it possible? I don't know but I'm willing to try.

In the meanwhile, halfway there, baby, halfway there.

Finally

Today, one of my employees asked me if I had lost weight and, if so, how much? She is the first person (aside from my parents who don't count because they notice if I part my hair slightly off-center of my regular part and are, therefore, the most observant individuals in the history of parenting which means that the first two pounds I lost triggered Diet Watch 2011 and a slew of encouraging statements) to notice the change, including my husband, like, way to be observant Officer and, I digress...

...anyway, my employee made all the right congratulatory statements and I reveled in the fact that my efforts are starting to have some tangible-and noticeable-results.

Because I am proud. And, you know vain.

Holding Pattern

Nothing new to report. I am sticking to my diet and doing my best to make exercise a priority. I have had quite a bit of success with situations that might have been a challenge for me in the past-weekend trips, social occasions, holidays-and have managed not to fall completely off the wagon.

My weight loss has been slow but steady and, if it continues, will get me to my goal weight by September.

I have had far less PMS-related misery since I started eating better but, never more so than this month. Indeed, I expect Aunt Flo any day now and yet I have managed to dodge the serious cravings that I normally have for chocolate, salty foods and fat. Also, I don't appear to be nearly as bloated as I generally get this time of the month and (fingers crossed so as not to jinx myself) I have absolutely no breast tenderness. I'm sleeping well and the afternoon exhaustion that had become such a normal part of my monthly cycle has been MIA this month while the desire to continue exercising has increased. My skin is better than it has been for years and, while part of the credit for that might go to the monthly facials and expensive products I have been using; I mostly credit the healthier diet and increased water consumption.

All in all, I am pleased and can easily see myself continuing this lifestyle for the rest of my life. I think that realization is almost more rewarding than the weight loss, itself.

Although, I'm really, really happy about the weight loss (fifteen pounds, so far).

Grand Slam, Diet Style

My parents and youngest nephew are in town for a visit and, according to my children, no visit from the grandparents is complete without a trip to Denny's for breakfast (the childrens' breakfast consisting of a chocolate shake but, that is a story for another day) so; off to Denny's we went.

It is possible to enjoy a good breakfast at Denny's while on a diet, color me surprised. One whole wheat pancake, scrambled egg whites, two slices of turkey bacon and a side of seasonal fruit clocked in at seven points and three tablespoons of syrup added an additional four points for a total of eleven points which is more than I would generally eat at breakfast but, dining with company is a special treat and totally worth the extra points.

The best part of the whole thing is that I was able to look a menu over and to make good choices despite the plethora of really crappy foods that predominated it. Once again, we see progress.

Weigh-In

135

One pound. I'll take it.

That's Better

Back on the wagon with a vengeance. Diet is back on track, exercise is happening in the form of walking and free weights with a little Pilates thrown in for good measure and, surprisingly; PMS is under control despite the fact that I am on track to begin surfing the crimson tide in just over a week.

Really. Very few cravings, no belly bloat, no boob tenderness and a marked reduction in the exhaustion and lethargy that I generally experience this time of the month and; I can only assume that my improved diet is to credit for the change.

Granted, I still have a week to go but, I'm really not that worried about it. Now, if I can just manage to stay on track with the weight-loss, something that may become more difficult as my body grows accustomed to taking in fewer calories and to exercising more; I'll be doing great.

Ouch

So, I fell off the wagon yesterday. For the first time in months, I indulged in crap-carbs including white flour tortillas and chocolate. It was not my best moment.

On the bright side, not too long ago, this kind of stumble would lead to a massive free-fall of crap eating, sloth and despair. In contrast, today I intend to get right back into my healthy eating groove as well as to walk and do my weight program.

I think they call this progress. Let's just hope the scale reflects that come Friday.

Weigh-In

136

One pound down. I was kind of hoping for more. I mean, I've been really, really good but; that's the way the cookie crumbles (I haven't had a cookie in almost three months, BTW) and, as I've said before; better a pound lost than a pound gained.

Plus, as it now stands, not only have I lost some weight but, I've lost inches and, that's a good thing as far as my jeans are concerned. Also, the last time I was close to this weight, I was doing the HGC diet with Jana and it SUCKED. I much prefer to lose the weight slowly and consistently while actually, you know, eating.

So, goal for next week, to see 135 which is where I bottomed out on HGC. Then, onward and downward, baby. Onward and downward.

Operation Hottie by July

Goals to reach for the completion of the operation:

-Weight at 118-119 (continue Weight Watchers)
-Toned upper and lower body (step up workouts with weights, start Pilates and Yoga)
-Good haircut and style (need to find stylist who won't scalp me while chatting inanely about stupid shit)
-Dazzling smile (hellooo, Crest Whitestrips)
-Glowing skin (continue monthly facials, tan wisely, water, water, water)
-Cute wardrobe (shopping trip!)

Can I do it? Yes, I can.

This Post (and $3) Brought to You by Not-So-Tight Jeans

This morning, I decided to try on some of the jeans in my closet; I'm having a yard sale later in the month and I figured it was time to weed out the things that I no longer (have not been able to) wear and, jeans have been at the top of the list for a while, now.

I am pleased to say; all but the smallest-sized jeans in the closet fit, if not perfectly, then comfortably. In fact, if I continue to lose weight at even the slow pace that I am currently losing, I should be able to fit comfortably into my vanity jeans-the Seven for all Mankind boyfriend jeans that I purchased four years ago, at the point that I felt the best about myself-in no time at all.

And, I found $3 in a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to wear since at least two Stampedes ago.

Bonus!

Weigh-In

137

Ok, down two pounds which, sadly, is actually only one pound given last week's gain. Considering the monk-like nature of my diet this week, I had hoped for a better result. Oh well.

This week will consist of the same devotion to my diet as well as an increase in my exercise program. Yesterday I walked two and a half miles, which is less than I usually try to walk but, I had an appointment for a facial and, some things are worth forgoing the sweat for. I also managed to get in a half hour of weights and ab work so, in addition to my thighs and ass screaming in pain today; my back, chest, shoulders and arms are likewise sore.

If the weather holds, I plan to walk three and a half to four miles today. I would try to throw in some toning exercises but, the Cub has a baseball game in a town forty minutes away so, I'll take what I get.

Short term goal: To get out of the 130's by this time next month. At two pounds a week, that is an achievable goal.

Given my asshole metabolism doesn't pull any funny stuff, that is.

My Ass, My Ass, My Ass is on FIRE!

In an effort to get more exercise in my life, I have recently returned to my beloved Slim in Six DVD's. And, by recently returned to, I mean; I have done the most basic workout once. Once, however, was more than enough to leave me in agony. It was also enough to bring about the return of Exercise-Induced Tourette's Syndrome and, going to the bathroom has become an exercise in and of itself.

I'm not complaining; I like being a little bit sore because it reminds me that I am doing something. Something good for my body.

Also, I have to weigh in tomorrow and, while I managed (quite brilliantly) to keep my diet under control despite the most recent chocolate holiday, I do want to do anything possible to prevent a stall in my weight loss or, god forbid, another gain.

I would cross my fingers but, they are even a bit sore and I want to spare you the stream of curse words that such a motion would most likely induce.

You're welcome.

Well, THAT Went Better Than Expected

Easter was not the diet-bust that it could have been. Oh, there was a bit of over-indulgence but, all-in-all, not nearly as bad as it could have been. Thus far, I have managed to limit myself to:

4 fruit-flavored Tootsie Roll Midgies
4 chocolate covered marshmallow eggs
1 Cadbury Creme Egg

That's it, which, considering how much other crap we discovered in our baskets; is quite a triumph.

Granted, the candy is still in my house and it will probably hang around until I hit PMS Hell Week but; I'm not going to think about that today.

Today, I am going to eat well, to exercise, and to say nice things to myself because, despite the one-pound weight gain last week; I am doing quite well on this plan.

I am.

Weigh-In

139

Oh look, Aunt Flo came to town and she brought along an extra pound! Yay!

Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I don't get it. I know I didn't exercise as much as I have the past month but, I ate correctly. I didn't give in to the massive amount of temptation that I encountered and I denied my cravings even though they were extreme; how the hell could I have gained a pound?

The only possible explanations are water retention or muscle gain and, since we already covered the lack of exercise in my life; I think it's safe to say that the pound ain't muscle. So, I'll hang my hat on the water-retention theory, blame Aunt Flo and keep on doing what I'm doing albeit with much more exercise.

On the bright side, with Aunt Flo's visit has come the lessening of my appetite and the disappearance of the chocolate cravings. This is a good thing considering the holiday just around the corner. And? This way of thinking? It's actual  progress; not long ago I would have looked at a gain as an excuse to ditch the whole diet and I would snarf down the entire contents of the kids' Easter baskets without a second thought.

And, frankly, any form of progress at this point has to be noted and celebrated.

You know, since I gained a fucking pound this week.

I Forgot to Put a Title on This

I've really been slacking in the exercise department this week, partly due to the crappy weather we've been having but mostly due to my own laziness so; it will come as no huge surprise if I fail to lose weight this week. Oh, it will be disappointing as hell but hardly surprising.

On the bright side, I did manage to resist all forms of temptation and temptation came in many, many forms, believe you, me.

Also on the bright side, my jeans aren't as tight as they have been. I'm still rocking an impressive muffin-top but, at least there is no chaffing.

Ugh, chaffing, I hate that word.

So, yeah, weigh-in tomorrow, Easter weekend to follow, chocolate bunnies and Cadbury Eggs to resist and exercise to be done, so help me, God.

The Indignity of Aging

As if gaining weight, losing muscle and becoming less flexible weren't enough; I have recently discovered that my gums are receeding.

This discovery, made on my own via an aggressive examination with a magnifying mirror and a consult with Dr. Google (What?! He was right about the prolapsing uterus and the plantar fascitis), is going to give me nightmares about my teeth falling out until such time as I can see my dentist for some reassurance (Monday, 8:00 a.m.).

In addition, I had to dye my hair again a couple of nights ago; for the third time in two months because my gray hair resists color like the Pope rejects Satan.

Getting old sucks. Granted, it beats the alternative but, still.

Longest. Two. Weeks. EVER

The cravings have been significant. Wow. What an understatement that is. In fact, they have been excruciating. Shopping for treats for the kids Easter baskets just about did me in and, if it weren't for the fact that I gave up all that crap for Lent, I might have given up. As it is, I prefer not to be struck down by a holy lightning bolt and was able to refrain from temptation.

This week.

Next week is a total crap shoot, considering that Lent ends this weekend and that the bunny will have generously showered the children with crap galore.

On the other hand, my monthly two weeks of craving horror also ends later this week so, maybe I will be able to dredge up some semblance of self-control after all.

Like I said; total crap shoot. And, as Linus Van Pelt would say, AAARRRGGG!!!!

Weigh-In

138

So long, 140's. Buh-bye! See ya! It's been real but I have to move on. It's me, not you. Ok, it's you but, yeah, buh-bye!

Happy, happy, happy.

Month 2 is Proving Much More Difficult Than Month 1

I am struggling with cravings for obnoxious things; candy, pastry, fresh bread, ice cream, chips. So far, I have won the battle over these obnoxious cravings but, it hasn't always been easy.

For example, yesterday, my woman's service club celebrated the 94th birthday of it's parent organization and one of our members baked a huge cake to mark the occasion. While I had no problem saying no to a slice of cake, an hour later, I almost lost my shit in the Easter aisle of the Hellmouth.

Almost.

Instead, I dutifully purchased the chocolate and candy items necessary for the kids' baskets and then I headed to the produce aisle where I picked up a huge container of strawberries for myself. This is progress, of course but, holy Hannah; why this month gotta be so tough?

Last night, I walked for three miles while the Cub practiced baseball. I really need to make myself get back in the habit of doing toning/strength/cardio workouts at home but am having a hard time building up the motivation. I don't know what the hell my problem is; my body has always responded quickly and beautifully to those workouts and I have no reason to believe that this time would be any different and yet; I remain sloth like.

It will be no surprise when I fail to lose weight this week.

No surprise at all.

On the other hand, yeah; ten pounds down, twenty to go.

Oy vey.

You Know That Poster of the Cat Clinging to a Branch for Dear Life?

Today, I am that cat, clinging desperately to my diet while a yawning abyss of Little Debbie's snack cakes looms beneath me.

Well, actually, I am more afraid of a loaf of bread right now than I am of the Little Debbie's but, give me five minutes and the craving will swing back to them, I guarantee it.

So, so frustrating. On the bright side, I haven't given in to any of my cravings yet. On the not-so-bright side, I am thisclose to falling into a coma as I type this, so low is my energy level and so tired am I.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and blame PMS, given that this is the week of the month voted Most Likely To Kick My Diet's Ass.

Also, I'm not going to run away from the cravings, I'm going to acknowledge them and then stand up to them by bravely telling them that they won't get the best of me. Yes, that loaf of fresh bread, hot from the oven, dripping with melted butter and smelling like the best afternoons of my childhood (miss you, Grandma Molly!) may be tempting but; I'm stronger than that! And, yes, the season for Cadbury Cream Eggs lasts but a moment and then the succulent chocolate goodness disappears for a whole 'nother year but, deep breath, I can live without the egg. I can! I will!

And, I'll keep telling myself that while I hang here, clinging to this branch.

Weigh-In

140

Two pounds. To say I am surprised would be an understatement but; it's a pleasant surprise.

This next week, I will keep on doing what I've been doing, which means less exercise than on the weeks that I have only lost one pound and, with any luck, I will be totally out of the 140's by next week.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race

So why do I feel like such a loser?

It's probably hormones, I know. Still, I am starting to struggle with the slow pace that this weight loss is taking. I seem to recall losing much faster back in the day, of course; I barely ate, exercised like there was no tomorrow and stressed over every little thing I could find. Maybe slow and steady is starting to look a little better.

Weigh in tomorrow. Hoping for the best, planning for the worst because, although I have stayed true to the diet, I haven't had a lot of time to exercise and I just don't feel like I have lost anything. Clothes still fit the same, boobs are still out of control and the muffin top reigns supreme.

Le sigh.

Another Trip Under My Belt

We road-tripped to the city of my Alma Mater this weekend to attend The Teenager's final volleyball tournament of the season. While we were there, we stayed with my college roommate, Jules and, I'm quite proud to say; I never fell off the wagon.

Friday, before we left town to make the three-hour drive, I ate normally. When we arrived at Jules' house, she fed us a great hamburger dinner, including an awesome pasta salad that she had made. Because Jules has recently lost a good deal of weight, herself, I knew that our meals would be diet-friendly and, even that awesome pasta salad was low-cal.

Saturday, we had a busy day of games with plenty of opportunities to blow it big-time but, I stuck to fruits for snacking, a healthy turkey sandwich for lunch and, when Jules made lasagna for dinner, I was still well under my points for the day; I even got to indulge in a piece of garlic bread without breaking the points bank.

Today, I stayed on track with skinny lattes, fruit, a six inch turkey breast sub from Subway and a healthy dinner once we got home. Because I was off-line all weekend, I worried about tracking my points but, my fears were unfounded; I simply journaled my food and then entered the points once I got home.

I'm really starting to think that I can manage this program for the duration.

Weigh-In

142

I think I'll blame the pizza after all. Oh well, a pound lost is still one less pound hitchhiking on my ass and, with any luck, I'll get back to the two-pound a week routine this week.

This Can't Be Right

I had two slices of one of my favorite kinds of pizza for dinner tonight . A month ago, had you told me that Papa Murphy's Herb Chicken Mediterranean Delight pizza was an acceptable food to eat while on a diet, I would have asked you if you also had a bridge to sell me, a big one, in Arizona. As it is, two slices of the pizza came in at 9 points which is actually fewer points than that contained in several of my favorite recipes.

Intellectually, I know that the pizza fit into the plan. Emotionally, I still feel like it was cheating. I blame too many years of yo-yo dieting, calorie counting and food restriction for this weird duality.

Now, if I get on the scale tomorrow and my weight-loss has stalled, my emotional side might have to kick my intellects ass.

I really, really hope it doesn't come down to that.

This is the Equivelent of Riding a Bike Downhill

I'm in the easiest week of my cycle right now and it shows in my appetite, meaning, I have none. This makes it somewhat difficult to get in all my points for the day and, since I don't want my metabolism to slow down to accommodate burning fewer calories, I'm kind of struggling.

Some people might take this as an excuse to eat the higher-point foods that they refrain from enjoying while on the diet but, as I said, I have little appetite even for things that are technically bad for me. I'm not complaining, exactly, just reporting.

Anyway, I'm doing my best to fill in with healthy foods that keep things rolling, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of keeping things rolling...

Meet Lulu, my newest piece of exercise equipment and my new best friend. Together, we are going to go far in getting my weak-ass muscles (including my weak ass muscles) into shape and, we are going to look good while doing it.

So, How YOU Doin'?

With the first month of Weight Watchers under my belt I can honestly say; I'm pretty proud of myself. I've lost six pounds, fought off the dreaded PMS Monster, have more energy than I have had in a long time and I'm optimistic about the future of this endeavor.

That said, I think the best part of the whole deal was the lack of ugly symptoms surrounding the monthly cycle. I can do without the tenderness, irritability, bloating and fatigue permanently if that is a possibility. If not, I'll be thankful for the month that I dodged that bullet.

As far as the diet itself goes, well, it really doesn't feel like a diet at all. I've not been seriously tempted to "cheat", I'm never hungry and I'm enjoying the things that I am eating (fruit, anyone? Skinny lattes?).

This next week I am going to add more exercise to the program, mostly with toning exercises and light weight lifting and resistance band work. I'm somewhat concerned that I might cause the weight loss to slow down by doing so; if my body perceives itself to be starving, it will slow down to conserve fat. However, some studies show that the weight training revs the metabolism so, that might not happen. If I stick to cardio in the form of brisk walks like I have been taking, maybe I will be able to keep losing the weight at the rate that I am currently enjoying.

Speaking of which, if I do manage to continue at the current rate (fingers crossed, oh please,oh please, oh please), I should be at my goal weight in time for Operation Hottie by July to be a complete success. Of course, now that I have said that, Fate will smack me upside the head with a total stall.

I take it back, Universe! I take it back!

Weigh In

143

I could cry, I'm so happy. Losing weight in the hardest week of the month is a major victory for me but; not having a lot of the usual symptoms of PMS was almost as satisfying.

So, I'll keep on doing what I'm doing and, with any luck, I'll be out of the 140's before Easter.

Fingers crossed.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

The cravings I experienced on Monday have gone completely away. I still have no boob tenderness, the belly bloat has deflated somewhat and, I've had a resurgence of energy but I have yet to start my period. This is all very....weird.

In a good way, obviously but still, weird.

I could crow about how the lessening of the PMS symptoms are totally diet related and, if this same thing happens after another month of clean eating, I will but, for now; I'll just accept it gratefully and call it a day.

Speaking of my day, I plan to do a little bicycle shopping. Now, I already own a really nice mountain bike; Hugh purchased matching ones for us back in the day. We got quite a bit of use out of them when the kids were small, pulling them in a double bike trailer on numerous rides around our community. We also used the bikes to bike the Glenwood Canyon trail system and I enjoyed that, immensely however; the bike is a bit much for tooling around the neighborhood and I am in the market for a more, um, comfortable model. Like, a retro-style bike with a wide seat, wider-set handlebars and, a basket for carrying my stuff.

If I am able to find the right bike, I plan to ride it to work for as long as the weather will allow as well as using it to run errands in town. This will be good for me as well as saving us a bit of money on gas. Win-win.

Now, if I can just find an affordable model that meets my specifications, I'll be all set. Well, I'll be all set once I purchase a floppy sunhat with which to complete the biking ensemble, that is.

Because, hell, yes; I'm just that dorky.

Talking Myself Down From the Ledge

We have officially entered Hell Week. Although I haven't fallen off the wagon and, have no intention of doing so, I can report that I am experiencing the usual cravings for fatty, sweet, salty, crappy foods. However, I am not craving them badly enough to feel tempted; I credit my new-found love of all things fruity for this turn of events.

While I am doing well with the diet, I am bloated and feel heavier than I did this time last week despite the two-pound weight loss. I blame water retention.

On the positive side, I am not experiencing boob pain like I normally do. I'm tired as all hell but, no tenderness. Yay.

All I have to do is hold out for one more week and the cravings, bloat and fatigue will go away. One more week.

One. More. Week.

Weigh In

145

Not to get all cocky or anything but, suck that, PMS!

Ok, ok, so I'm only at the beginning of PMS Hell Week (when women are initiated into the Sisterhood of Bloat, Irritability and Fatigue and our motto is "If it isn't tied down, dip it in chocolate and eat it!" Gooo, Sisterhood!) and could still fall victim to the usual crap but, still; two pounds, PMS!

Suck that!

The Cycle of Suck

My period is due in exactly one week and, in a twist that will surprise absolutely no one, I woke up this morning bloated like a week-old corpse. My jeans are pushing up a muffin top that rivals anything the Pillsbury Dough Boy could bake up and I am tired to the point of actively planning the best time and place to fall into a drooling coma.

My diet has been good and I know that junk food is not to blame for these symptoms so I guess I have to point the finger at that damn Eve; if she had kept that fucking apple to herself I wouldn't be in this position.

Since I am in this position, however, the best that I can do is stick to The Code. Wait, that's a pirate thing, isn't it? So, I'll stick to The Plan, that's it, the Plan. I'll continue to eat well, eschewing all manner of sweet, salty, greasy and gooey snacks in favor of fresh fruits, vegetables, lean proteins and whole grains. I'll keep walking, get plenty of rest and continue to drink water like its going out of style and, with any luck; the PMS will magically disappear and I will shrink back to my pre-corpse dimensions. 

Prior to that happening, however, I have to weigh in. This may not be a week that shows any loss but at least I will be able to comfort myself with the knowledge that I haven't fallen off the wagon; the wagon is just kind of stuck in a bog of hormonal crud.

Like every other month. Fucking Eve.

It IS a Big Thang

I went to the grocery store today and I left with two miniature seedless watermelons, jicama, a package of strawberries, two mangoes, two bags of fingerling potatoes, a small container of lowfat feta cheese, and a package of grape tomatoes.

No crap, no junk, no processed anything and I did it like it was no big thang.

I could cry.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

The weather was nice enough to take a long walk outside today. The birds were singing, there was a light breeze and I managed to work up a slight sweat.

The greens in my salad were especially spicy tonight. Tomorrow, I'm going to mix them with red onion, walnuts and raspberry vinaigrette. I think it will be delicious.

I made a chicken and veggie stir-fry for dinner and it was wonderful. And filling.

For dessert I had a half cup of vanilla yogurt with a handful of blueberries and a couple tablespoons of low fat granola. It satisfied my craving for sweets just as well as a crappy snack would have.

I am feeling better about things, in general, the situation in Japan notwithstanding.

I am giving serious consideration to what I can put in the kids' Easter baskets in place of candy. The Teenager will be an easy sell-hair accessories, cheap jewelry, nail polish, etc. The Man-Cub could prove more challenging but I'm pretty sure I'm up to it.

I'm hanging tough. I can do this.

The Weekend of Nonfat Lattes and Fruit Cups

This weekend's trip to Denver marked the first time that I have road-tripped and not eaten like a glutton. Well, maybe not the first time but certainly the first time in recent memory.

Friday, I made a point to eat well before leaving on our trip which made it fairly easy to stick to a healthy meal when we stopped for dinner (Chili's, guiltless grill, margarita grilled chicken with black beans and rice). And I didn't snack at all.

Saturday morning, we had to be to the convention center before 8:00 a.m. so, breakfast was a nonfat latte and a fruit cup, the first of many for the weekend. Lunch was half a bagel with a smear of peanut butter and dinner at Dave & Buster's could have been a bust but, I stuck to the cabo style chicken with steamed veggies and spicy rice, managing to stay well within my points for the day. Then, in the greatest triumph to date, I went to a movie and sipped on a diet coke, no popcorn, no candy, no crap.

Sunday morning, we met my parents and sister as well as Hugh's parents for brunch at Ihop. I had the light and fit 2x2x2. Later in the day I had another nonfat latte and some fruit to tide me over to dinner which was maple grilled chicken with broccoli and one Cheddar Bay biscuit at Red Lobster. The biscuit pushed me slightly over the ledge point-wise and I had to use a few of my weekly discretionary points but, I'm fairly certain I can recover them with exercise this week.

Yesterday, I splurged on a ham & Swiss panini, a nonfat latte and a fruit cup at The Corner Bakery but, with a six inch turkey sub for lunch and yogurt and fruit for dinner, I managed to stay under my points allowance.

All in all, I feel really good about my progress. Hopefully, the scale will agree with me and I will see another loss this week. At this point, I worry that a plateau would send me over the edge into the pit of junk food despair.

Hopefully that won't happen,

Weight-In

147

Solid one-pound loss and, while not fabulous; I'll take a pound lost over a pound gained any day. The Points Plus program continues to work for me and I have not felt deprived nor have I been hungry even once in the past two weeks.

Today, we leave for a long weekend in Denver. I have packed a cooler full of appropriate snacks, logged the points for each into the Favorites section of my Points Trackers and have mentally prepared myself to deal with the temptations presented by restaurants and snack bars.

Assuming I am able to continue at even this slow pace of weight loss, I should be twenty pounds lighter by the end of July which is when I plan to return to my hometown for its' annual festival. Twenty pounds lighter will be lovely but, ideally; I'd like to weigh even less. Therefor, Operation Hottie by July will commence Tuesday once we are home from Denver.

Operation Hottie by July will consist of continued healthy eating, increased levels of activity including weights, Pilates, etc., and some more attention paid to my complexion, hair, teeth, nails and wardrobe.

Operation Hottie by July is going to be expensive, me thinks but; ultimately worth it and, really, totally necessary in the Grand Scheme of Things According to Chelle.

Die Sugar Cravings, Die! Die!

Second week of Weight Watchers, so far, so good.

First day of Lent and the elimination of chocolate in my diet (although, I haven't had chocolate in almost two weeks, truth be told), so far, so good.

The ability to stay away from the Devil Sugar for the long-term? Waiting to see.

On the bright side, I feel confident about the choices that I will make this weekend when we are out of town for The Teenager's volleyball tournament. I am taking my laptop so that I can continue to track my points online and so I can inform myself of the points value of restaurant foods and snacks which should help, considerably.

I'm also hoping that we will do quite a bit of walking during the weekend which isn't really much of a stretch given the massive size of the convention center at which the tournament is being held, it's location in Downtown Denver and the plethora of shops, activities, restaurants and theaters in the vicinity.

Also, I am going to pack a pair of tight jeans to wear when we eat out; hoping that the sensation of fabric digging into my belly will motivate me to stick to proper choices and I am going to pack a cooler full of sensible snacks and foods that I can eat in case of emergency; the emergency being the absence of anything suitable to eat in the restaurants we pick.

At the very least, I cannot fail due to poor planning.

At the Moment, I am Quite Enthusiastic

So, the Weight Watchers online is working quite well for me. So far.

The points I am allowed are more than sufficient to get me through the day, in fact, there have been several days when I have been unable to use them all which is a big no-no with Weight Watchers, I know but, yeah; wasn't hungry.

Granted, this is the week of the month that I am normally the least hungry and, we have a trip coming up this weekend that could pose a problem to my healthy eating habits (going to do my best to prevent that, obviously) but, all in all; I am feeling quite good.

Indeed, I am so optimistic about this lifestyle (not a diet!); I am beginning to really look forward to summer. I am excited about the chance to get out on the boat and am really hopeful that I will be able to wear a bathing suit without feeling like a fat cow.

I also want to learn how to wake board this summer so, fitness during the next four months needs to become a priority. Now that I am feeling more confident in the meal planning aspect of the program, I will incorporate exercise accordingly.

Like I said, at the moment, I am quite enthusiastic.

Weigh-In

148

Almost done with the first week of Weight Watchers and, it's going quite well. I tend to do ok with this type of plan and I think I can stick with it, assuming that I actually lose weight and don't become discouraged. I'll have a better handle on that next week.

In addition to sticking to my points, I will begin exercising again next week; I've walked a bit this week but was trying to settle into the program before attempting too much change which I think is a smart idea.

With any luck, the diet and exercise program will become intuitive and I will be able to adopt it as a lifestyle and not as a "diet".

I am optimistic.

Well That Went Well

The HCG Diet? Is not for the wimpy or, you know, for people who actually believe that food is vital to the survival of mankind. Apparently, I am both wimpy and realistic and the HCG experiment was a giant FAIL.

Onward and upward, I say.

So, as of yesterday, I am a dues paying member of Weight Watchers Online. I am allowed 29 points a day and 49 discretionary points a week. Thus far (one day in, whoop, whoop) I am having no trouble adhering to the plan although I did suffer an excruciating headache last night, no doubt courtesy of my body's desire to survive on a consistent diet of chocolate, bacon and sea salt and vinegar chips; the cycle, it will be broken.

In actuality, the WW plan is quite similar to my do-it-yourself diet, the one that I have always had success with when I put my back into it as opposed to when I dally with it for a few weeks before abandoning it to heed the siren call of the Devil Chocolate.

My current plan of action, which is to prevent myself from dashing my diet ship against those rocks, will get an added boost next Wednesday when all good Catholics (and myself) enter the six week Lenten period. I generally give up chocolate and, each year, I do fine. For six weeks. Once Lent is over, I then dive head-first into the childrens' Easter baskets, hoovering every Cadbury Egg in sight. Not this time, though. This time I am regarding Lent as a device used to quit the Devil, cold turkey, after which I will simply regard chocolate as an alcoholic would vodka; totes off-limits, one day at a time, etc., etc.

Now, I'm off to the grocery to stock up on Tylenol for the withdrawal headache. I'm hoping one bottle should suffice. Fingers crossed

Try Not To Choke As I Blow the Dust Off This Thing

So, yeahhh...another month gone by with nary an update. The reason for that is simple; I've done nothing to help myself lose this weight thus following the predictable pattern of pushing myself to the limit for a relatively short period of time before crashing and burning. Go me!

Still, today is another day, blah, blah, blah.

Wow, that sounded so negative; time to readjust my attitude aaaand, we're good.

So, today is the third day of my new attempt at controlling my diet. I am trying the HCG diet that everyone has been raving about and, while I am extremely skeptical, I am giving it my best. Of course, I say that knowing full well that I have only endured the "loading phase" which consisted of eating as much crap as I could possibly stomach over the past two days and, honestly? How hard is that? Not very, let me tell you.

Today, however, is Day 1 of the VLCD, that's Very Low Calorie Diet for the (blessedly) uninitiated and, by very low calorie, we are talking 500 calories a day. You see why I am skeptical.

Anyhoo, I'll let you know how it goes. Or not. As the case may be.

Weigh-In

145

No big surprise, there. This means that my goal for this next week will be to lose two pounds. Got to get back on track.

Unfortunately, I am having some minor issues with my right leg; pain in the lower region, most likely of the posterior shin (Thank you, Dr. Google!). The remedy for which is rest, ice and ibuprofen. Since I already rest at least a day between runs, I am also investigating whether new running shoes with a better arch support might help. That, or arch binding which sounds painful but probably isn't really. Complicated, yes, painful, no.

The time remaining in Aunt Flo's visit is rapidly diminishing and, with it, the wicked sugar cravings so, with any luck, I will be able to get back on the diet bandwagon and, with a little more luck, I will stick with it through next month's shit storm of PMS, fingers crossed.

In the meanwhile, I have an out-of-town volleyball tournament to attend so healthy eating, while a priority, will also be a challenge.

Let's hope I'm up to it.

One Pound Seems Kind of Like a Pipe Dream Right About Now

I'm fairly certain that this week's weigh-in is going to go badly for me; the best I can hope for is to maintain where I am, losing even one pound would require a miracle.

In other depressing news, I am entertaining a certain monthly visitor. She brought along bloating, cramps, a dull headache and a desire to eat everything that isn't nailed down. Unless it's healthy; she can pass on healthy stuff. In short, Aunt Flo is a terrible house quest.

In retaliation, I think I'll take her running tomorrow; she hates that.

Dear Doctor's Office Scale:

I hate you.

That is all.

Does It Count If I FEEL Lighter?

I don't weigh in again until Friday and, with the way that the diet has been going lately (cravings, cravings, cravings), I'm a little worried that I won't make my one-pound goal. However, I feel lighter today. The skinny jeans that I am wearing seem a bit looser in the waist than normal. That could have nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with the fact that I wore them once before today and they had a chance to stretch out a bit or, it could mean that I am somewhat less bloated than I have been the past two days.

As to the bloating, I am a couple of days away from Aunt Flo's monthly house-call. I happen to have an appointment with my gyno today for my annual Squeeze n' Scrape; the timing is less than ideal, I am aware but, I had to take the appointment or be wait-listed for God-knows-how-long.

I'm not looking forward to getting on the scale at the doctor's office, either; medical scales being somewhat less than kind to one's ego and all. And, I'm also not looking forward to the "Squeeze" portion of the program, what with the boob tenderness and all. Of course, these concerns could all be moot should Aunt Flo decide to make her appearance at some point today, and rude little house guest that she has shown herself to be; it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

But, on the bright side, as I've said; I feel lighter today. I'm going to hold onto that feeling like a life raft in the middle of the Atlantic, thankyouverymuch.

Me Thinks I May Have Spoken Too Soon

The boob tenderness is starting. It's nothing serious yet; not nearly to the point that it usually is by now but, I appear NOT to have dodged the bullet after all.

Willpower and control over my sugar cravings continue to be issues for me. Yesterday I gave in and indulged in a couple of chocolate chip cookies. In a twist on the usual program, salt cravings have joined the parade and I indulged those in an individual-sized bag of BBQ flavored Baked Lays. It could have been worse; I only went three hundred calories over my daily goal and, when I figure in the fact that there have been numerous days this month when I have fallen under the goal; I figure the calories just about average out.

And, I'm still working out. Friday I completed the full 47 minutes of Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 DVD and, today, I plan to finish the third week of the C25K program. I'm also still drinking plenty of water and, in addition to sticking to the plan (for the most part), I have also managed to go two weeks in a row with daily showers (as opposed to taking a quick Whore's Bath and using dry-shampoo (which is the greatest invention, evah (parenthesis, inside parenthesis, someone call the grammar police!)!), and wearing something other than sweats and t-shirts.

I'm also cooking like recipes are going out of style, the past two weeks alone I have made:
-Italian pot pies
-Homemade elk and barley stew
-Beef stroganoff
-Turkey chili
-Asian soup (No-point recipe from Weight Watchers)
-Butternut squash soup
-Pasta fra Diavalo
-Chicken Fajitas
-Baked turkey breast with baked potatoes
-Chicken, corn and black bean burritos

All of which were delicious and all of which were made with low-fat, low cal recipes, fresh ingredients and a lot of love.

So, my goals for the New Year are being met, for the most part.

My goals for this week are to lose one pound, to continue to exercise, to eat well and to continue to show some pride in my appearance.

Doable, totally doable.

Weight-In Day

145

A solid one pound loss. After two days of less-than-stellar dieting this week; I'll totally take it.

And, the fact that this month's derailment from the Diet Train-courtesy of our dear friend, PMS-lasted but a mere two days is an actual improvement over, oh, every other month of my life.

The fact that I continued to exercise through the Bad Days is an achievement not to be dismissed.

Ohh, and, I haven't yet experienced the majority of symptoms that generally herald the imminent arrival of Aunt Flo; no boob tenderness, very little stomach bloating, no dull back pain and no headaches. Granted, that could change on a dime but, I'm feeling cautiously optimistic at the present.

Today, Slim in 6. Tomorrow, the last run of week three of the C25K program. Sunday, yoga and some stretching and then on to another new week.

80/20

According to diet experts, that is the correct ratio to follow when eating a healthy diet; be angelic 80% of the time while enjoying a little bit of decadence the other 20%. Well, if the experts say it's true then it must be, right? So, I'm going to call two days of this week pardonable according to the 20% law.

In truth, upon reviewing my diet log, I have been angelic for more than 80% of the month thus far. Two days of gluttony (tempered with continued exercise!) will not derail my efforts. Also, PMS, if that's the best you have to throw at me; I'll beat you every time because, yesterday I was right back on track, cravings gone, energy levels restored and self-control back in my hands.

Indeed, I started week three of the C25K program and it went fine. I still suffer the terrible music and the catchy accent of the narrator but; the running part is going fine.

Today, I plan to do a full-body workout using the Slim in Six program, which I have on DVD and then I am getting a massage.

Dinner will be low fat slow cooked beef stroganoff and all will be right with the world.

Or, at least 80% right, at any rate.

Le Sigh

Fucking PMS. Fucking Devil Sugar. Fucking inability to control myself for longer than two weeks at a time.

Why, yes, I did fall off the wagon! How kind of you to notice.

Seriously, though, I've had two not-so-great diet days although, I have managed to stick with the water consumption and the exercise so, all is not lost. Also, the diet wasn't completely blown-I've managed far more spectacular binges, trust me-and; I'm not yet ready to totally throw in the towel so...there is hope for me, yet.

Today, I start Week three of the C25K program, having successfully completed weeks One and Two without injury. That's...rather cool, actually; I'm so used to running myself into hip pain. Also, my shoulder continues to show improvement-my showers having become less of a battle between the left and the right for dominance over my back-washing and I've yet to experience the usual boob tenderness that generally accompanies the PMS monster.

So, my recent attempts at clean living have paid off at least a bit. And, I shall soldier on, as one does in these situations.

I'm Sensing a Pattern, Here

The past two days have been an exercise in restraint as the dreaded PMS monster has reared its' ugly head yet again and, after reviewing past posts to this blog; I realize that my cycle follows a very specific schedule:

Ten to twelve days of saint-like adherence to a healthy and sugar-free diet, complete with enough energy to exercise daily and decent amounts of sleep followed by twelve to fourteen days of wicked sugar cravings, fatigue, a distinct non-desire to move my body, physically and, a need for frequent napping.

Clearly, my thyroid has nothing to do with it nor does my diet impact it in the slightest; PMS is simply my biggest nemesis.

So, what to do? For one, I'm going to make an extra concerted effort to refrain from giving in to the temptation to dive head-first into a vat of chocolate. This will be no easy task.

Secondly, I'm going to make more of an effort to exercise, particularly on the days that I really, really don't want to (days like yesterday when, after finally psyching myself up to head to the gym to complete week two of the C25K program, I found the gym locked and the fingerprint reader unable to identify my finger. Goddamnit).

Thirdly, I'm going to make an effort to really identify what my cravings are telling me at any given point; am I hungry or am I just tired? Do I need chocolate or a session of yoga to get the endorphins flowing?

Finally, I am going to up my calories during the first week that I begin to notice the symptoms of PMS. I'm going to add in more lean protein and fiber. I'm guessing an addition two to three hundred calories a day should do the trick.

And, with any luck, merely being cognizant of the issues going on in my body will help me to combat the less pleasant side effects of being a woman.

Fingers crossed, naturally.

Weight-In Day

146

That's a solid two-pound weight loss. I'm pleased. Not giddy or anything but, pleased. And, cautiously optimistic about sticking with this lifestyle for the duration, I mean; I feel better, weight loss not withstanding.

I have energy. I'm sleeping better. My right arm, which has been giving me fits the past few months, is loosening up and gaining a better range of motion. My skin looks better. I'm cooking, delicious, nutritious foods. I can focus.

All of which make me a much more pleasant person to be around.

Now, if my jeans start to fit a little better, all will be right with the world.

Two pounds. Go, me!

This Post Brought to You by Tight Jeans

I must admit; I've been feeling pretty smug the past few days. Healthy diet? Check. Daily exercise? Check. Plenty of water? Check, check.

So, you can imagine my consternation when, upon pulling up a pair of jeans today, a muffin top of magical proportions puffed up around my ribcage. I mean, we are talking serious muffin top, here. The kind of muffin top that, were it an actual pastry, would feed a small village of starving children. With leftovers to spare.

I'm not even kidding.

So, so disappointing. But, as Scarlett O'Hara would say, tomorrow is another day and, with continuous calorie counting and physical torture, I'm bound to defeat the muffin top, eventually.

Or, maybe I could just sacrifice my body to a village of starving cannibals and call it good. Either way, I'd lose some weight.

What Could You Possibly Hope to Accomplish?

Not long after Hugh and I were married, I lost a nice sum of weight, probably around fifteen pounds or so. I had been steadily gaining weight during our courtship, engagement, and honeymoon and, once I settled into life as a married woman; I was dissatisfied with what I had allowed to happen to my body. So, I started eating right again, spent more time in the swimming pool and, in a stroke of genius heretofore unrivaled by modern man; I bought a stair climber.

I found the stair climber at a yard sale, paid around twenty bucks for it and hauled it home where, Hugh, in all his supportive glory, laughed about the fact that I would never use the thing and had just wasted twenty bucks.

In a show of determination to prove him wrong, I hopped on the stair climber and didn't get off for the next half hour and, although I could barely walk the next day; I got on it again and, again the next day. In fact, along with the change in my diet, I credit the weight loss to that stair climber and, when it eventually broke down after two years of almost daily use, even Hugh had to agree that it was the best twenty dollars I ever spent.

And that was a really long digression to get to the point of my story. Anyway...

...after I lost the weight, I was confronted by a woman at the swimming pool that I managed; she was quite put out with me for losing weight when I had been perfectly healthy to begin with and, she was right, to an extent. At fifteen pounds heavier, I was still at a healthy weight for my height. What she failed to understand or to take into consideration was the fact that I wasn't comfortable at that weight. I didn't like the fact that it took more effort for me to do the things that my life required me to do; little things like training the Lifeguards who were, at that very minute, protecting the lives of her preshus children in the swimming pool.

Sure, I wanted to look good in my clothes but, more importantly, I wanted the clothes I owned to fit me; twenty dollars on a used stair climber was a rather large expense back then but, a hell of a lot less than a new wardrobe would have been and losing the weight assured that I would still fit into my guard suit rather than having to fork over $60 for a new one.

In addition to losing the weight, I gained strength, flexibility, stamina and endurance, qualities that were necessary to my job, see above: protecting the children of nosy, rude and judgmental people (who may or may not have been significantly overweight, themselves and who may or may not have felt perfectly justified in judging my decisions about my lifestyle based on their own inability to control their own weight. I'm guessing). It wasn't all aesthetics, people.

Which brings us to the present; someone I know commented on my quest to lose weight yesterday. This particular someone thinks that I am being vain for trying to lose weight and that I should be comfortable where I'm at, given my age and the fact that I don't, and I quote: "Need to look good to attract a man or anything" (Hugh would like me to point out the fact that he is a man and, as a man, kind of likes being attracted to his wife. Not that he isn't already but, you know, he supports my efforts), end quote.

I am as addlepated by the rudeness of this person today as I was by that other women seventeen years ago, I mean; what is there to say to someone who criticizes your personal choices about your own body and health? Thanks for your (misplaced) concern now kindly fuck off? That seems kind of rude.

Instead, I say this: This is my body and its the only one I have. It is my duty to take care of it and to cherish it. I have made the decision to feed it well, to exercise it more and to monitor the results of those choices. I do hope to lose weight. I have no need to be model-thin but I do have a need to be comfortable with my weight, to be at the weight that works best for me. I need to be able to function at a certain physical level in order to be happy and I need to feel good about how I look. That's just me.

Don't judge me and I won't judge you. Life is too short to feel uncomfortable in one's own skin.

And that is what I could possibly hope to accomplish. That is all I could possibly hope to accomplish.

So, now you know.

Another Day, Now, With Less Donuts!

There is a lot to be said for the way that I am eating, recently, the most wonderful thing being the fact that I have managed to pop out of bed at the first sound of the alarm for the past two days. This is like, a record for me, recently.

Seriously, weight-gain aside; lethargy was the single worst side-effect of my past lifestyle. I am a morning person. I like to be up before the rest of my household and, the early morning hours are when I do some of my best thinking, really; I'd not met a problem that I couldn't solve during lightest level of sleep, usually three minutes before the alarm went off. Until, the past few months, that is.

The past few months, a cannon wouldn't get me out of bed before every other member of my family and problem solving went straight out the window which led to a downward spiral of depression, angst and self-loathing and; I totally blame my crap-ass diet.

And the laziness that kept me from the gym, obviously.

Now, having put the Devil Sugar behind me for the past week, I am feeling the first shades of the person I used to be. I do have more energy. I don't feel defeated all the time. I can think more clearly and I am far more patient with my children and other innocent souls who cross my path. As Martha would say; this is a good thing.

Unfortunately, Aunt Flo is waiting around the corner, ready to ambush me with sugar cravings, fatigue and bloating and, while I'm relatively confident in my ability to ward her off with sheer determination alone, I'm still sort of dreading her arrival.

On the other hand, the old me always loved a challenge and, as I thought to myself while running on the treadmill the other day; the bitch is back.

This will just be her first real test. Fingers crossed.

This Is a Test, This Is Only a Test

The past four days were text-book perfect according to Chelle's Big Book of Healthy Living; I drank water, ate nutritious whole foods, and I exercised every day although, without pushing myself into injury. I am feeling quite good about my choices and am reaping the additional energy levels to boot.

Which brings us to tonight, my husband's annual wrestling officials' pizza party and the first test of my new-found dedication to healthy living. I'm as prepared as I can possibly be; I've eaten well all day, ran two miles on the CT5K program and, I'm feeling strong enough to resist temptation.

In addition, I am planning to eat a nice big salad before we leave for the party; this will help me to keep to one slice of pie or, so I'm hoping.

This won't be the last test of my willpower (book club on Monday night) and I'm sort of interested in seeing how I do. Guess we'll see.

Weigh-In Day

148

I've seen worse. I've seen better but; I've seen worse.

Yesterday went well. I officially started the Couch to 5K program with the Week One podcast. The music....kinda sucks. I missed my Lady Gaga and those crazy kids from Glee ever so much. Note to self: Must Google better CT5K music, ASAP.

On the diet front, I managed to get in all my water, to eat well and to finish the day with a steaming cup of Sleepytime Vanilla tea. I slept quite well, not sure if that had anything to do with the tea or not.

Yesterday, I noticed a marked improvement in my feeling of general well-being. I didn't lack energy in the afternoon which has been a big problem for me of late. I also dodged the early-evening headache that I have become accustomed to having and, as I said, just felt better in general. I have to assume that had a lot to do with being off the Devil Sugar for three days, now; my goal is to stay away from the stuff as much as possible.

My other goals are fairly simple:

-Lose 30 pounds.
-Regain the strength and muscle definition that I had four years ago.
-Regain the balance and flexibility that I enjoyed back then.
-Continue to improve my skin, with the help of the lovely Serena, my aesthetician (whom I will be seeing later today).
-Get back into my beloved Seven For All Mankind jeans.

Do I think I can reach those goals? Today I do. I'm a bit leery of what will happen to my willpower and dedication as the monthly visit from Aunt Flo draws ever nearer but, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. For today, I'm feeling the possibilities.

Another Decent Day in My Pocket

Yesterday went well. I ate a healthy diet, drank the required 12 glasses of water, limited my intake of Diet Pepsi and got a good night's rest.

This morning, I woke up earlier than I have been lately although; I'm still a far cry from bouncing out of bed at my preferred hour. Hopefully that will come with time and consistent dedication to my new healthy lifestyle. I hope so; I'm disappointed in myself when I have a hard time getting out of bed, showering and getting an early start on the day.

I'm still sore from Tuesday's run/walk and, not going to the gym to run  on the treadmill yesterday was an exercise in restraint but; I'm really serious about taking a day to rest in between running so as not to injure myself. As it stands, my hips are the most tender part of my anatomy, currently and; I'm pretty sure I will ruin them if I am not very careful.

With that said, I do want to do some form of exercise each day so, I'll be starting yoga, general workout, pilates and cardio DVDs on my off-running days. I also plan to focus on stretching and building up my balance.

So, here we go, Day Three. Fingers crossed.

My Ass, My Ass, My Ass Is On Fire!

Yesterday went much better than Monday. I even managed to eat well, go me!

I downloaded a free Couch to 5K podcast for my iPod and, after listening to Week One, have determined that I was already kind of following this type of program all by myself the last time I ran only; I didn't give myself the entire eight weeks to build up to running the 5 kilometres which is no doubt why I injured my hip.

This time, I vowed to do it right so; I renewed my gym membership and hopped on the treadmill for what I planned to be an hour-long comfortable walk. Thirty minutes into my hour-long comfortable walk, I started running.

Will I never learn?

It's ok; I mostly followed the coaching on the podcast although, without actually listening to the podcast since I was so caught up in that crazy Lady Gaga and all her paparazzi nonsense.

Ahem.

Anyway, I ran the prescribed one minute sprints followed by ninety second recovery intervals for the next thirty minutes and it felt fine.

Today, despite a long stretching session and two hours in a hot bathtub last night, I am exhibiting some routine soreness. Nothing major and, I have a massage scheduled for later today, anyway.

Tomorrow, I will hit the treadmill again and this time, I will actually listen to the podcast although missing the pump-up styling of Lady G, enormously.

On the diet front, as I said; yesterday was a good day. I ate sugar free oatmeal sprinkled with a bit of cinnamon for breakfast, an apple for a snack, a healthy yet low-cal lunch and, when I started to notice that I was developing a slight headache later in the day while on my way to the dermatologist's office for a wallet raping mole removal; I ate one of my emergency pouches of applesauce that I keep in the car. Dinner was a large salad and protein-added pasta marinara that The Teenager cooked.

Today, I am off to a good start with another bowl of oatmeal and I have carefully planned the rest of my meals and snacks.

At this point I would love to smarm all over the place about getting back on track and taking control and all that jazz but, even I am aware that it is only day two and, two days does NOT a Goddess make.

But I shall carry on.

Baby Steps

Yesterday was not my finest attempt at reclaiming the Goddess inside me. I failed to do any type of exercise whatsoever, ate in a most crappy fashion and fell into bed at 9:00, completely exhausted.

I did manage to drink plenty of water so, there's that? One goal out of many accomplished. Gah.

So, yes, the exhaustion thing. It's not like I don't get enough sleep yet; I wake up tired. Seriously, the first thing I think about when I open my eyes in the morning is when I can take a nap. This is not normal.

My younger sister was tested for thyroid issues a while back and was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease which, if I understand it correctly, is an under-secretion of the thyroid gland. She has encouraged me to get tested but I would prefer to try the diet/fitness balance thing to see if it has the desired effect on my lethargy prior to handing the whole thing over to a doctor.

The problem of course, is my apparent inability to get it together enough to eat well or exercise. So frustrating.

I'm going to try again, of course and, I'll give myself a week. If I can't get it together myself or, if I can and the exhaustion is still as bad; I'll make an appointment with my GP.

In the meantime, I'll soldier on, one step at a time.

2010-The Year of the Sloth. 2011-The Year of the Gazelle

Not pregnant. Just fat.

So, yeah, 2010 kicked my fat ass. I have no excuse save for the fact that I am lazy. Oh, and apparently deeply unhappy with my life. Ok, not really but, certainly with some aspects of my life and, not just the fact that my ass looms larger than ever before.

Work is a major downer. Stressor. Irritant. Fat-and-lazy-making-depressive-time-suck-of-doom. But, since there isn't much that I can do about that, short of winning the lottery (probably not realistic); I'm going to have to suck it up and take back control of the rest of my day.

Step one: Better diet in 2011. Not Go on a DIET, just, eat a better diet. This means eating breakfast again, every day. It means drinking more water and less Diet Pepsi.

Step two: Move my ass. I don't have to train for a marathon, I just need to commit myself to doing some form of exercise every day. I've done it before and I've both failed and succeeded. The success came from doing exercises I enjoyed. The failure came from pushing myself into injury because I wasn't paying attention to my body when it was clearly telling me to taper off. I won't make that mistake again.

Step three: Adjust my attitude. As I've said, I can't control the suckitude that is my day job. I CAN focus on the fact that the sucky job allows me time with my kids. Time to attend their many functions and time that I can use to work out. It's entirely possible that the suckiness may just evaporate with an attitude adjustment (just to be on the safe side, however; I won't stop playing the lottery anytime soon).

Step four: Do the things I love. This includes spending more time with the people who make me happy and that means making time to see The Girls. Miles between us shouldn't prevent us from connecting and I vow to see each of them at least once this year, more often if at all possible.

So, yeah, 2010 can kiss my ass. 2011 will be my bitch.